I chalked this experience up to bad luck, and continued to only date people with whom I had interesting online conversations. After I said I didn’t want to date any more he sent me adorable letterpress cards in the mail with upsetting notes inside that said he was upset, no, angry, that I wouldn’t give us a shot. None of this was bad on its own, but it was so much. I hope to some day have kids, which, I suppose, would entail being, for a time, a pregnant woman. Listen: I think a man who can cry is an evolved man. There were multiple bouts of tears, there were proposed road trips to Florida to meet his mother and dog, there was an unexpected accordion serenade, and there was the assertion that I would make a very beautiful pregnant woman. What had seemed passionate and daring online, turned out to be alarmingly intense. ![]() Even through our little chat window it was obvious he was fully and messily human, which I loved, and so we chatted all day long, for days, and I could not wait to meet him. He had a dark sense of humour, he was witty, and he laid all his baggage out there on the line right away. He taught refugee children how to play steel drums. The first man I chatted with who met my conversational standards was an academic, a musician. It will not surprise you to learn that this is a totally batshit way to approach Tinder and that, for my snobbery, I paid a price. I want a conversation partner who assumes I am up for the challenge, who assumes the best of me. I want a conversation partner who travels through an abundance of interesting material at breakneck speed, shouting over their shoulder at me: Keep up. I love Gilmore Girls and the West Wing and Rick And Morty. I love Shakespeare’s fools and Elizabeth Bennet and Cyrano de Bergerac. I love people who fall into the category of Smart Sad People Flaunting Their Intelligence With Panache. I am an obnoxious kind of conversation snob and have a pathologically low threshold for small talk. The thing about talking to people on Tinder is that it is boring. For the first time in my life, I decided to date online. I briefly considered flirting with the cute local bartender, the cute local mailman – then realised the foolishness of limiting my ability to do things such as get mail or get drunk in a town with only 1,235 other adults. Then the wedding was off and I found myself single in a town where the non-student population is 1,236 people. We’d bought a house with room enough for children. I’d moved there with my fiance after taking a good job at the local university. If we want to know and find connections we’ll have to put ourselves out there to people who will never respond in ways we hoped.I did not intend to be single in the rural village where I live. Someone could want to send a nude your way, someone could be trying to isolate your attention, you could be trying to manage your own struggles…we really don’t know. I think the reasons could vary and they could all have some validity or be nefarious, though what I note from this post (and many others) is that we tend to want to come up with judgements of why people do things and we develop those judgments very fast in the online dating world. So moving to text can help, but sometimes I pause the app and delete other stale matches to just stay more focused. I’m not terribly good at convo on dating apps because I find that I just don’t get that excited about women who I’ve never seen in person, so I have to work at staying “in” on the conversation or I’ll just get distracted and move on to a girl I have met in real life. I personally get distracted easily and if I’m on an app that has other feature, pictures, people, I may get sidetracked and not be fully present for the conversation and that can derail a match pretty fast. ![]() ![]() I think this is true but also could be the same/similar reason for the man. If you see a post violating the rules please report it.Īpproved Domains Weekly Threads Moderators
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